You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
