i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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