Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
