I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
