So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just threw up on my dentist
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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