Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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