I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
