I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
