party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
