I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
