i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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