The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
