I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize