he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
