hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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