I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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