you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
