You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
