just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
