allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
