I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
