Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
