I think I won the penis lottery.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
