Heybabeimwearingurpanties
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
