he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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