we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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