I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
