we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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