They should really pass out barf bags in church
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
