If that was your dad, he is hot
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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