i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
