after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
