I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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