Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
