i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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