Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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