two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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