plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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