I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
