her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
