Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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