UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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