please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
