Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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