oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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