i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
