Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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