I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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