I wish I could teleport
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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