her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
