how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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