i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
