her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
