then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
