her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
