Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
