I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
