My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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