i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
