You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize