Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
