One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have aggressive nipples.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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