so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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