Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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