But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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