so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
