Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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