This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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