once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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