Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
