with your own penis?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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