i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
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would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
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I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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