After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
