I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
