I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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