Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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