Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
