Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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