so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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