i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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