I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
