so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
