I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
