a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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